Why goodbyes are so hard to say?

Well today at work, its really an emo day for me.. Here's wat happened..

Ok.. today nothing really much happened at work.. everything went on smoothly.. Thank God.. but there is this chat with my operator which really made my whole day very emo..

This operator is not any other operator.. he is actually my buddy operator.. in other words, he is the ONLY operator that I share my personal things with (and vice versa).. no other operator had this privilege.. Well.. you may think this is favourism, but I can assure you its NOT.. if he actually made a mistake, I still go by the book to punish him..

I don't koe why.. but I think this operator and me had a LOT in common, so naturally we clicked very well.. So I decided to tell him todat that I have resigned (becos by not doing so, I can't keep my conscience in the right order!)

So when I told him that I resigned already, his face suddenly looked at me in shock and he asked me whether its true or not.. I then said "its true".. and you can see his whole attitude just change to a very "sian" look..

Then just as it is about for him to go for lunch and for me to take over other operators for lunch, his eyes began to water.. I first suspected he cry, but then brush off at the tot becos he is always strong in his emotions and just thought that he just yawned.. Before I went off, I asked him whether he cried or not.. he said "no".. so I just walked off!

Just then, some jelly were jammed at the conveyor belt, so I helped to "clear the jam" and was at the conveyor belt for a while.. he then came over to help.. then his eyes were like watery again.. I then went over and asked him whether he is crying.. and he just kept quiet.. but as time pass by, I think he can't hold his emotions anymore.. He actually teared quite a fair bit.. you can see it from his eyes.. his eyes were red and watery.. and he was like quickly using his shirt to clean his tears but they never seemed to stop.. so I actually went over and then put my shoulder over him, and give him some comfort, and assured him that everything was all right.. Told him that I'm still in Singapore, and he can call me up when he needs company and all..Did this comforting process like for 2-3 times.. so ya.. At that moment, I seriously dun koe wat to do.. I never knew he would take this issue so hard..
Then you may ask me whether I teared.. I actually did not leh.. I dun even feel anything.. but I can't guarantee this feeling at my last day in my current company.. I may tear buckets.. hahax..

Just before I went for lunch (and seeing that he was over the sobbing stage, but can see that he still feel sad a little), I went over to talk to him and understand from him why he cried and all.. He said he can't control his emotions becos he already treated me as his big brother and good friend already (I'm older than him by a year only!), and that's why, everything he confide in me! And he also told me that he NEVER teared for a guy before, and I was the FIRST.. fwah.. when I heard this, I really felt like crying lah.. it is so touching.. Just thinking of it now, really makes me want to cry as well..

I also told him that I still have 1 month, and he said "1 month is very short one.. not as fast as I have tot it to be.." so ya.. haix.. He also told me that he is also worried what would happened on the last day.. he may cry more.. so ya.. haix..

Sometimes I just wonder why I actually let my emotions take hold of me.. Its very torturing ya koe.. haix.. but then again, since it is my choice to leave my current company for the next, then I would think that this is a process which I must go through.. Painful but still have to go through no matter what!

He even joked that he actually wished to see me at his wedding sometime next yr in China! My goodness..

But that's how close our relationship is with each other lah! Not that kind, but more of brotherly kind.. so that's why I said goodbyes are always hard..

So that's why I said that the 2 ppl whom I will miss when I leave the company, would be this operator and my other colleague, Alex.. So gonna have dinner with both of them separately on different occasions.. so ya.. Wanna have dinner with each of them before I leave my current company.. Its like the last dinner..

Well.. I just can't imagine myself what would I be doing on my last day.. its really tough.. really tough..

Teardrops rolling down my cheeks,
<<< abriel >>>