I'm back!

Well.. a quick update before I log off for cell later at my hse..

Today did not do P1, becos the guy whom I did P1 for last tues, do for me today.. so ya..

Today did the usual stuff at camp loh.. At first I thought I can skip fatigue work, but never did I expect tat I actually have to do it somehow.. haix.. so ya..

Most of the time today in my bunk, I was alone.. becos its either they are mounting/dismounting/P1 which went down for duty.. so had a lot of alone time in bunk.. And as usual, besides the usual undisturbed rest I have, I've been feeling a sense of loneliness.. I dun koe why.. But I think its becos of my usual clique (which happens to be my P1 grp too!) is not here.. Usually in bunk, I wld take them for 'granted' but when they are not here, I feel this sense of loneliness..

Not only today do I feel this way!! The past P1 grp which I was in was also like tat.. I seemed to be ok with them, but actually, I can't really click well and was juz like going with the flow.. Unlike with my grp, I can speak and express myself more with my P1 grp.. If u notice me carefully, if you put me with another P1 grp, u wld see me like a bit quiet and like draw myself a line between the ppl in the grp and myself.. but when its my P1 grp, you wld see a different ME!

And of course, as days goes by in GOH Shift, I can start to see those who really have a attitude which I didnt like and also, I start to see the true colours of some ppl which I did not see in the past! Man.. this is scary! As much as possible, I wld try to stay away frm these ppl becos if I associate with them any further, I tell you, I wld like 'blow up' one day and start scolding ppl! I dun want to do tat!! Tat wld be an ugly sight!

In fact, in my mind now, I can immediately think of a person's name who really has an attitude problem (will not disclose his name as usual!), but his actions/attitude towards the shift and to some ppl is really bad! Of course, I wld try as much as not to think or care abt it, but then again, who doesn't remembers bad things? Its very hard to forgive ya koe, becos he is starting to hurt me emotionally (I dun koe whether did he koe abt this or did he meant it as a joke? If its suppose to be a joke, I'm quite sure its without him knowing! and with a sharp tongue like his, I'm sure he did it on purpose! I remember when I did gate duty with him last wk, the whole 4 hrs of duty was quite quiet!! I think if u add up to our conversations, it wld only amt to 5 mins!)

When I first saw the detailing tat my duty was with him, I was like thinking to myself, 'die die.. sure nothing to talk!'.. but I decide to banish tat thought and give it a try.. now ah (after doing duty with him last wk), I really think tat there is nothing between us to talk.. becos' even if I try to initate the talking, he wld sometimes juz brush me off or juz keep quiet.. like tat I koe he not interested! And also, sometimes I wld not want to talk to him, becos if he does not feel like talking and I talk to him, watever I talk, he wld like "shoot" back at me, and then as a result, say some hurting words.. so I'm really worried one day if I really cannot take it, wat will happen between him and me? Will we quarrel? Will we fight? Arghh.. dun want to think of the future! Juz hope my sgt doesn't put us together again during duty.. *keeping my fingers cross*..

Anyway, enuf abt him liaox!!

Its weird lah! I suddenly feel so good after blogging abt this!! I think I vented my anger lahx on this blog! So ya.. Guess this helps! =).. now dun feel so bad and angry liaox! Before I blog abt this, I was like super angry and was finding someone to tell it with! So ya.. Now, I tell it to you readers (who koes how many ppl rite now is reading my blog! haha..), I feel so much better! =)

Actually didnt want to come home today but then my aunty is coming to my hse for dinner tonite, so at least have to show face a bit lah, becos she seldom visits my hse mah..

So ya.. then now I blog loh!! so ya.. Listening to some really nice mp3s..

ok lah.. need to go offline soon liaox.. if u are fortunate enuf, u wld see me login after cell loh.. but dun koe I'll be able to have the strength to go online or not lah.. so ya.. =)

Again, I'm Campus Superstar crazy.. haha.. I'm a fanatic!! =)

** I'm still counting down the days LEFT to serve.. its 194 DAYS to ORD!!

Mandopop rox,
<<< abriel >>>