mixed feelings..

Well.. Currently in a very emo mood.. I've have a lot of things running across my mind, but its the ONE thing that will stay in my mind until the day where it would solve indefinately!

On this blogpost, I would not say what it is.. but a few of my closer friends would koe wat I'm talking about.

Its this thing that keeps bugging me, and really sometimes just drain away my energy!

Church friends (like Carlise & Tjow) has been giving me sound advice to seek God in such an important matter. I koe all the talk is easy, but doing it and experiencing it is so difficult.
Moreover, I have very high expectations of myself being able to achieve this one thing, so therefore if I really didnt get it, I would be terribly disappointed and probably term myself as an "ultimate failure" in due time!

Sometimes I just wonder whether God really listens to my prayers.. as in like I can just pray and hoping that in someway, I would be able to sense His presence and be assured that it is NOT my feelings that are causing it!!

I can just cry out to God over this matter, but would it help? Would He like suddenly appear and say I should pursue this matter and stuff? Its really freaky if that really happens!

But jokes aside.. This matter on hand now is really no laughing matter! It affects my future..

Well, I certainly believe that if really God wants to sees me through this matter, then He would block ALL barriers and just give me the green light!

But now the problem lies in this choice: "to do or not to do it"?

Headache,
<<< abriel >>>