Demoralised!

Well.. guess this is the word (my title of this blogpost tat is..) tat decribes exectly how I feel rite now.. haiz.. Here's the laydown of things..

(1) Scolding by my OC over trival matters.

Yesterday duty was at Main Guardroom (as I have requested).. Duty was not shiong, its juz tat its tiring! Its juz tat I had ALL armed duties yesterday and for a record, my duties were ALL Main Gate and no foot prowls!

Actually, this morning I was allocated another armed duty, however, if really the audit comes and I must carry out the drill, I koe the drill, but not confident to carry it out.. scared of cock-ups; and if this is so, my superiors are going to scold me like mad.. so to avoid all these, I rather volunteer myself for Main Gate duty to be the safest!

But then, I juz realised tat I'm dun koe like the jinx or sumthing.. everytime when I'm on duty and my OC is around, he would like find ways and things to reprimand me about! Even my officer said I'm juz sway, though all the things are simply not my fault.. today is the ultimate lah.. here is the scenerio!

I was allocated a Main Gate duty this morning.. so according to my RSM, he doesn't really care abt the extra things tat were at the sentry box.. as long as the place is free of litter/rubbish and everything is put nicely, can liaoz.. So just as I expected, my RSM looked and turn back twice to look how the sentry box looks (in terms of cleanliness and stuff), and he did NOT say anything.. And everytime once he receives a call and he need to answer, he would stay in the sentry box and answer the phone call! And he did tat this morning! And all along, my RSM did NOT say anything, so I take it as ok.. Was quite satisfied with myself actually!

Then juz as the peak hr is gone, my OC walked around the sentry box and he decided to take a break in the sentry box for a while.. then, I think his mouth "itchy" or sumthing or he juz cant stand the extra things lying ard in the sentry box, and then he called for me..

Apparently, inside has a few items which when he asked me, I dun koe how to answer! Apparently, there is this window panel, 4 extra baskets (which is actually for the checker bay, but every nite when they off duty, they wld bring back the baskets to the sentry box.. and this morning when they do duty, they never even take the baskets! Even the X-ray station didnt do tat loh- becos they need those plastic baskets too! So my OC is expecting me to explain why the baskets are at the sentry box and not at those 2 locations) and an unexpired car label (but NOT returned to the pass office) which he complained abt! And its definately not my fault! Becos when I take over, its already like tat!! What can I do abt it? And usually, we RPs dun really care abt why there are extra baskets and the fallen window pane and the car label.. becos we juz do our duty and after tat, we thought juz leave tat place neat can liaoz.. these kind of things dun need to care (unless its very important).. u all get wat I mean rite??

Then my OC called me to explain.. and I actually explained lah.. but then, apparently, my explanation was not good enuf, becos I seriously dun koe why is it there! When I took over yesterday, it was like tat liaoz! How the hell I koe? Do he expect me to koe everything? Come on lah.. we are not a genius or sumthing! We can't koe everything.. and moreover, its juz a sentry box.. as long as its neat, you think the ppl will care wat is this and all?

Anyway, my officer was also called to explain why the items were there! My officer also cld not answer!! And after my OC left, I told my officer and he said I was juz sway lah.. even my sgt (who juz came and ask my officer wat happened, but my officer was juz too "tired" to answer.. so he called me to explain instead, and I explained lah..) also said I'm swayed! I tell you.. I feel juz like I'm this complete idiot who is being manipulated and thrown around like nobody's business, and gets bullied or scold at for no reason..

I actually almost cried this morning after the whole episode! I'm not a crybaby or stuff, but its juz tat my OC talks as if he's shifting the whole blame on me for sumthing which I did not do.. and the worse thing is tat I'm very poor with words and cant really talk back! On the other hand, its also very rude to talk back to an officer, becos you can be charged for this! Yes.. Charging is everything in NS! And the only way to keep my OC frm further questioning you or childing you is to juz agree everything he says, and he wld like keep quiet!

This morning my OC called me to explain, and I juz kept quiet and he kept probing me for an answer.. I juz told him tat it was an overlook on my part.. and he said, "no.. its not an overlook on your part, but its juz tat you all are not bothered!".. and then I kept quiet! Then he was like nothing much to say, and I actually heaped a sigh of relief tat he did not give me extras or sumthing..

Yes, I agree tat area shld be neat and stuff and I shld koe wat is all those weird things lying ard tat place, but then, my OC machiam like putting the blame all on me.. and hello! Its not me who did this whole stupid mess! I dun even koe wat's happening loh! haiz..

Sometimes I really wonder whether is there justice for us NSFs in army? Or everything we muz follow orders (and NOT allowed to raise our opinions) and juz serve 2 yrs and get out of NS? Can we as NSFs take anymore "shit" tat comes our way? A thought for NSFs who is reading this.. =)

Then, my friend also said I was sway lah.. becos everytime I do duty and my OC is ard, he wld always pinpoint at me.. haiz.. am I a jinx?

(2) Failing of my Advance Driving Theory again for the 2nd time!

Today went to take my Adavce Driving Theory! Believe most ppl out there koe tat I failed my advance again for the 2nd time in a row!

I agree tat I did not study much at this time, becos I was super sianz liaoz (imagine studying EVERYTHING frm the start ALL over again!).. but nevertheless, I still manage to find time to study, though after dismounting frm duty, I am usually quite sleepy.. but I sometimes make a pt to study in the bus due to the long travelling time! Sometimes I even bring my stuff to study during my mounting, becos its my restime mah!!

Then today is the day.. my friend all make fun of me saying tat they 1st time can pass liaoz and me no pt studying becos I wld still fail.. haiz.. I always tot tat it was a joke.. but then it came true today..

The qns in today's test is much easier than the last time round, and I was confident of passing this time round.. During the test, I was thinking to myself.. after I passed today's test, I can officially learn driving liaoz! So there was I mugging thru each qn and checking each qn's answer after tat to make sure its all correct, and thank goodness I checked, becos apparently, there was 2 qns which I overlooked and I gave the wrong answer! So ya.. but even after tat, it didn't help.. and I was shocked to see when the result come out.. I failed!

When I see the word "failed", I felt really a complete loser! People can within 5 mins finish everything and pass, whilst I fail! Wat is this? Is there sumthing really wrong with me? Am I a retard or sumthing? Moreover, ppl take 1 time can pass liaoz, why can't I? I take 2nd time liaoz and I still fail? WTH???

And I therefore called home to tell my mum abt my result, and she was so nice.. she said its ok.. try again and she encourage me to go book for my 3rd try! I actually was contemplating at first whether to go on or juz give up this whole thing! But then, I booked for my next attempt.. and its on 150306, 1515 - 1605. Well.. this test date booked is juz 8 days before my 22nd birthday (which is on 230306), so if I pass this test, then it wld be the BEST 22nd Birthday present tat anyone can give me!

Also on this day, my shift friend (who stays near my place) wld be taking his advance theory for the first time, and he said he booked the same time, same place and same date somemore! So guess we'll be mtg, and juz hope I dun malu myself in front of him lohz.. haiz..

Thanx for all your SMSes (a lot actually!) and calls (actually only one, and its frm my bro, Andrew.. thanx bro! I'm fine! hmm.. wat makes u think I was crying my hearts out? ha.. its not like I failed my major exam or sumthing.. so ya..)

(3) Temporary sergeant horrible!

And becos of the shortage of sgt in my shift (1 kenna MC for 2 weeks and another leg kenna hurt and therefore excuse duties for quite a while), 2 sgts wld be transfered over to my shift, until the ASLC course finishes this mth in mid-Feb!

And one of the sgt is the one which I told you all a few days back (abt the sgt who didnt understand the meaning of I can't wear my RP helmet, and he didn't care, and he juz asked me to bring my RP3!).. die.. this sgt so fussy.. my shift ha.. sure die.. the only thing good abt him is tat he plays soccer with my shift mates (who ultimately dun matter to me at all, becos I hated soccer!.. so ya..).. man.. I wonder wat stunt this time he wld "come out" when in my shift temporarily! haix..

Ok lah.. I guess I have spend the last 1.5 hrs typing this blog and ranting away in this blog! Thank you viewers for reading ya.. =)

I shall excuse myself now to recuperate my rest/sleep, to recover frm the aftermath of my consecutive failure of my Advance Theory, as well as also to recover frm my sadness of this morning's episode with my OC!

** I'm still counting down the days LEFT to serve.. its 259 DAYS to ORD!!

Am I fated to feel ostracised and always so unfortunate?,
<<< abriel >>>